amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)

I didn't watch/read The Last Unicorn at a point in my life where it would have been formative for me, but I know some of you did, so I thought I'd share this because it's fucking gorgeous.

art nouveau by Megan Lara, a woman and a unicorn captioned 'am I truly the last?' the background features faces, symbols, curlicues, flowers, a skeleton; the color scheme is gorgeously purple and painterly.


Design by Megan Lara, available on Teefury or Redbubble.




amberite: mituna smiling (homestuck - mituna)
I'm making it work for its keep. If I have to deal with this, so do you. (twitter x-post)

--------------------

The Queen, who had knighted her cat and allowed him everywhere, told her court veterinarian that he was now arriving in her rooms at dawn to stomp around her head purring insistently. "Why this?" she complained.

"It's his Sir Kitty-an rhythms," the doc replied.
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
* I'm never going to Get Organized as neurotypical people understand it but I can help myself to more redundancies and transparency and have systems that work for me.

* Find out what it takes to get spare copies of my car key and do so.

* Set up a badge lanyard with a spare copy of my bank card and housekey on it (and car key if I can get spares), and hang it on a nail by the door, along with a spare pair of glasses. If the regular ones go missing - I will now have this. 

* Attach finder devices to the regular housekeys and wallet.

* Set up a permanent-ish computer workstation (ergonomic keyboard etc) at home, and set up a backup cloud drive to sync things, so that I can work on things from more than one computer and the task of packing out my computer gear  won't be constantly looming in my executive function queue continually distract me from actually getting anything done.

(Notes on this: My wrists can't deal with basic laptop keyboard/mouse setup for long, so I need a bunch of extra equipment to be able to use a computer regularly. I can deal with remembering to pack out from a coffee shop because I can easily differentiate mine from not-mine, but differentiating things that go in the backpack from things that don't is something that I have to repeatedly think about, which makes it hard to accomplish things while the computer is set up. So basically I just need to commit to a setup at home which is at least partly permanent. Possibly in order to make this work long-term I'll also need to improve the wifi situation so I'm not getting disconnected constantly.) 

* Apply to renew my fuckening passport. I keep meaning to do this and then panicking. My dad sent me money for it last year which probably got spent on random household stuff because my brain kept deleting the action from the queue. If someone local is willing to help with accountability against my brain from going squirrely about it, and/or help me resume the task again after my brain goes squirrely and loses the pieces of it, I would greatly appreciate this. 

Oy, I felt confident about this stuff sitting down to describe it and now I'm like "how do I even think this is possible" but uh, good luck, future me. 

* Oh yeah - one last important thing! I'm determined that this should be the year I write the "Homestuck glossary/cheat sheet for non-Homestucks" so that [personal profile] mlerules  and other folks who are interested in my big weird fic adventures can finally partake in them! 

Feel free to make suggestions for what should be in it. 



amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
I feel the need to share these festive trypophobia teeth jars with [personal profile] caramelchameleon, and anyone else who happens to like such things. 

(This is a food product which is SFTJ - Safe For Trader Joe's - but I found it mildly, appealingly alarming, so under the cut it goes.)

help, the figs and almonds are looking at me funny )
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
 I posted this on Tumblr, a while back, and I don't think it was quite the right place for my post to find most of the people who would want to really scream about this song with me.

But every time I hear it it's a little harder to believe it's from 2015. Something about the guitar flange and the sultry vocals... it's transporting, pure old-school goth without being solely derivative. I can't get enough of it.

[Video contains strobes:] 

The lyrics are compelling too:




Night passing through windows
Turning them on
Turning them off

Sometimes all I've got is other people's windows
Sometimes all I've got is other people's windows
Seeing through me

Let them find you when you know you're lost
you've been kneeling in a false dawn
Let them take you coz you don't belong
In these waves
In these waves

Time will come to life again
My strange harvest
Will taste sweet again

Something I can't touch is reaching out for me
Something I can't touch is reaching out for me
Seeing through me

 
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
...I'm sitting in a coffee shop posting Dreamwidth entries as Neutral Milk Hotel plays on the stereo.

The early 2000s called and said "isn't it better here?"
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
After many years of yelling at Tumblr to get over here, I am in fact attempting to get over here myself. Let's see if I stay on this horse this time!

I should probably, like... import icons or something. Repost my classic posts from that benighted website, that sort of thing.

Just cleared a multi-year backlog of follow-adds. Sorry about... well... everything that's happened since 2016. I'm reasonably confident my failure to follow through on my resolution to post here was the least of it.
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
While mobile gaming attempts to work out its sexism issues, they seem to have settled on their ideal formula for advertising a competitive strategy game. Which is to show one or more beautiful women beating one or more regular guys at it. See, ladies, they know you can play games real well, so don't be offended! The Generic Schlub is astounded by this game goddess and her superior skill, but don't worry for your egos, hetero boys; in a surprise plot twist, our superior female players are besting you in this contest of skill as a means of flirtation!

(I have seen video ads for at least 4 separate games following this formula.)
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
[personal profile] rialian's tortoiseshell cat Maeve is giving me dietary advice: she thinks I should eat more chicken, and eat it in front of the cat. Oh, and also I should definitely tear the skin into little pieces and drop it on the floor.
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
Please pardon the long silence.

I wish I had come sooner, but wishing and regrets only delay me further. So here I am, without further ado.

When you have an autistic/ADHD brain, with fiddly frontal lobes and tetchy dopamine regulation, flow psychology becomes ludicrously, absurdly important to the exercise of free will, as do patterns of feedback and reward.

I can lift hand-weights until I get bored and have modest gains at most, but recently I swam in the ocean again, just two days of paddling against waves, and can still see the difference in my upper arms. Dynamic resistance, a balance of support and hindrance in motion. I can only push through the immediate burn of exertion when there is something equal to it within me and behind me to push with.

For a while that wasn't there. More recently, just this year, I've had the impetus but not the environment. The understanding that I need to swim again, literally and metaphorically, has been present, but I also need currents to push against. Forces that pull at me and call me into motion.

And the ones I've had access to recently have ranged from suboptimal to downright toxic, which is, I guess, what you get when the Reward Machine is run by the Advertising Machine these days, and has tuned its mechanism to extract will and money from our behavior very finely indeed.

I've had difficulty finishing books, in the last few years - something I'd been doing without trouble for my entire life before. (That too is coming back.)

I blame brain chemistry and burnout, but also, the online environments I've been in have provided the wrong kind of flow; tiny bites of erudition, instantaneous response. Dynamism, turbulance, but almost no resistance.

I came to those environments because my wrists were giving me trouble (they still are, but if I avoid rapid messaging, I at least have the physical stamina now to write a screenful of text) and stayed because my cognition and mental pacing recalibrated to match, and I couldn't find an exit point, a place where it made more sense in the immediate to return to...

...this, to thinking out loud with genuine structure. Missives complete within themselves, instead of just random scraps. A space into which determination and identity can unfold.

It seemed so difficult, because the things that were easy were also stealing from me.

So a few days ago I reconnected with old friends in person, and we agreed, an accountability pact, to return together here, because this is where there's a living architecture that gives us space to be ourselves and escape the cycle, and we've all known this for a while (but it's so hard, when you're being stolen from, and everyone else is being stolen from, and...) and here I am.

It feels better already.

Let us Make something once more.
amberite: it is Sollux at his computer looking adorbs (homestuck - sollux)
Tumblr is glitching to hell and also gaslighting me, so I'm just going to dust this thing off and consider switching my blogging here. Change is SCARY, even when it's to a format you're inherently more comfortable with anyway.

Anyone know how to set up widgets that post your DW posting to other social networks? I keep meaning to do that and have thus far failed to investigate it successfully.

And is there a client for Android that works well?
amberite: it is Sollux at his computer looking adorbs (homestuck - sollux)
Okay, sorry I've been so totally out of contact. I'm mostly on my Tumblr right now because my fandom is most active there, as much as I'd rather it be here or on LJ.

But anyway. We (titianArchivist and myself) have completed the first "book" of Wires and Stars, our Sollux/Psiioniic epicfic, and I have all these rambly thoughts to tell you sometime about creativity and how awesome it is to have a creative partner because this is the only novel-length work I've both completed and been genuinely happy with completing (same for Titian), and it's making me think about the possibility of going back towards writing as a career.

The series isn't finished, but the first part is finally out the gate. All seventeen chapters of it. WITH FANART ALL OVER THE PLACE, oh my god. Not by us, but by people who actually draw, wow.


Wires and Stars: Initiation

in chapters * as one piece


Story contains pseudo-incest [of the "characters are genetically related but don't have a human-style family relationship" variety], body horror, angst, hurt/comfort, age difference, mental health issues... let's just say our motto is "everything is beautiful and everything hurts", and we're dedicated to both dealing with really dark material and being ultimately kind to our readers as a baseline. It's an attempt to tell an ultimately hopeful story in a crapsack world.

We have an authorial policy, in response to a number of concerned questions: ask directly for spoilers if you need them. Fanfiction should be fun! It should be fun for everyone, at every level of narrative surprise comfort or lack thereof!

If you want to skip to the smut, we also wrote fingers of light, a 12k smutty one-shot that takes place just before the last chapter of Initiation. It's somewhat spoilery for the story arc of Initiation, but if you're a skip-to-the-smut sort of person (no shame in that!) you probably don't mind.

Still need to write up the FAQ of "things you need to know about Homestuck to make our fic comprehensible if you're not a Homestuck reader", but as a general principle, most of them are the sort of thing you'll know if someone has told you about Homestuck at length and if you keep the wiki handy: we're trying very hard with this to make it relatively accessible to non-Homestuck fans. And, if you're a non-Homestuck who wants to read it and is waiting on said FAQ, please let me know! It'll give me motivation to work harder. :-)

Enjoy!
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
- Part of Wires and Stars: Initiation by [personal profile] amberite and [personal profile] titianarchivist -


(art by querulousArtisan)

Chapter 6: whenever I'm alone and you're lost out there


Teaser:
This is not something you can engineer.

This should not upset you as much as it does.

But: identify your variables, and you can give them parameters. You finally have a name, now, for the loss and the longing and the reaching; you know the shape of the shameful crack in your heart.

More chapter teasers below the cut )

Tags/warnings/etc at AO3.
And a bunch of new art in chapters 2, 3 and 7 and linked from chapter 5!

Sorry about the delayed updates. I've been mostly over on Tumblr, as there are more Homestucks there, even though I like LJ and DW better.
amberite: it is Sollux at his computer looking adorbs (homestuck - sollux)
I'm not sure I can call them art, precisely, but I've been drawing Homestucky things and putting them on my DeviantArt. Enjoy.
amberite: the psiioniic (psiioniic 1)
- Part of Wires and Stars by [personal profile] amberite and [personal profile] titianarchivist -

Chapter 5: cup your hands like the conch to your ear

Teaser/Summary:
“I think, I think last time you could hear me I asked you to tell me everything. I. I still want that.” You look him square in the eye, still can’t get over how his eyes reverse-mirror yours, and your stupid defensiveness goes to brittle nothing like a drying soap bubble.

In which attempts are made to divulge memories, assuage discomfort, and consult a third party, with mixed success in all cases.

Tags/warnings/etc at AO3.
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
prologue (aka chapter 1) * chapter 2 * chapter 3

Chapter 4: it's a hollow play but they laugh anyway

Summary/teaser: You crawl back into your command centers through a narrow sideways channel of machine code, back to your body where she wants you: your body the central emplacement on the front line from which you can never retreat.

And in another time and place, Aradia is awesome.
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
Dream: I was in the town where my grandma lived, high school graduation was going on, accompanied by a massive LARP event. And every year at graduation a few kids were supposed to be conscripted as Helmsmen.

And I was this character who would have been conscripted but escaped, and every year during these events I helped the conscripts escape from the Empire’s clutches.

Boy, am I jonesing to keep writing Wires & Stars, apparently.

And maybe the reason why my brain turned high school graduation into a LARP was because I never really did the high school thing. (For that matter, maybe there’s a message about high school and sinister mind control!… Or not.)

But then there was also this sequence where there was a narrow window of time when I could get the kids out and it was, like, during some kind of prep phase and I had to unhook them from simulators and basically wound up bringing them through the LARP in disguise or something and that’s, like, a plot from The Sound of Music, practically.

NO, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY BRAIN IS DOING EITHER.
amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
(Sollux/Psiioniic epic in progress by [personal profile] amberite and [personal profile] titianarchivist. Warnings/ratings up on AO3. Body horror, weird dream shit, later smut.)

Chapter Teaser:
You are too open. You are defenseless. You are not a vessel for voices, you are a fleetbeast dead center on the highway, you have no foreknowledge of what you are about to endure, you will be destroyed, insane. You are not yourself. You are so young.

You know who you are.
You know who you are.

Chapter 1 * Chapter 2 * Chapter 3

Profile

amberite: Sollux Captor, a Homestuck troll with grey skin, warm-colored horns and one red and one blue eye, depicted as an adolescent. He's peering out from behind his (also red and blue) glasses. The expression on his face is fearful, curious and determined. (Default)
amberite

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